


“I’m not ready”

by yikesola



Series: tumblr ficlet prompts [71]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2018, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Established Relationship, F/F, brief witnessed homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:35:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22830355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yikesola/pseuds/yikesola
Summary: Dani’s gonna do it. She’s really gonna do it. She’s gonna come out to her family. At least, she means to.A ficlet about fears and timing.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: tumblr ficlet prompts [71]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1410112
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	“I’m not ready”

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: “I’m not ready”

Dani’s gonna do it. She’s really gonna do it. She’s gonna come out to her family, she’s gonna live her truth, she’s gonna stop being so goddamn afraid of who she is. 

At least, she means to. 

She’s put it off, a few times now. After having put it off for years. But really, this time she’s gonna do it. Before she loses her nerve again. 

The problem was, she thinks, that she’d made it this great big deal before. She’d thought about doing it at Christmas, Easter, her mum’s birthday. Honestly, when she has to admit it, the real appeal for that was the fact all the family was in one room. If she’s gonna have to come out, she’ll be damned if she has to do it more than once. 

She says that to Phoebe the night before she means to head down to Wokingham for Popsie’s birthday. She doesn’t expect Phoebe to laugh when she says it, but Phoebe does. 

“That’s not how it works, babe,” she says. 

Phoebe has come out to so many more people than Dani. Her own family, friends at uni, the woman at the corner flower shop who kept tutting that her boyfriend should be buying her flowers for once. Dani has come out to... no one. Not directly. There has been lots of inference. Even with the Lesters, she let Phoebe do the talking. 

So, for better or worse, she considers Phoebe the expert between the two of them. At least, when it comes to this sort of thing. 

“I know,” Dani says. 

“You’re gonna be coming out all the time forever, when you choose to, in big ways and small ways.”

“I _know_ ,” Dani says again. “It’s just... with my family I want it to be like a bandaid.” 

Phoebe nods. “So tomorrow, Popsie’s birthday. You’re gonna do it?” 

“I’m gonna do it.” And she means it. When she says it, she really means to tell them. 

But the next morning she’s on the train and pulls out her phone and texts Phoebe, “ _i cant do it. i’m not ready_

She had seen two women in the seats across from her holding hands. She had also seen a man in the seats in front of them turn, and the glare on his face. She heard him try to chat them up, heard him ask if they were interested in a threesome. She noticed how their hands slipped apart. How the man laughed in a way that made bile build in the back of her throat. 

She wants to say something. She doesn’t know what she would say. 

Phoebe texts back, “ _Next time☺️💙 or the time after, or whenever you ARE ready. You still get cake today, that’s a win!_ ” 

Dani sends a black heart emoji, and slips her phone into her pocket. When she looks up, she catches the eye of one of the women across from her. She gives a tiny smile, a tiny nod, and hopes she understands her.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading— come say hi on [tumblr](http://yikesola.tumblr.com/post/190945382719/im-not-ready) !


End file.
